Airport 1970,

Minute 118: Are You Out of Your Mind?

January 11, 2017

Guest Host: Gerry Porter

Since seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gerry Porter has been inspired to search the globe for rare antiquities. Actually drums. He’s known Indiana Jones Minute’s Tom Taylor since birth, and Pete Mummert since their days at Marshall College, and believes that in a fight between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, we all win (until we all lose). When Gerry’s not shooting craps with the “bad egg” Hovitos, he’s installing Xboxes in every hut and slipping “Fortified Sunny D Jungle Punch with Pampas Berries” into every thatched lunch box. Here’s a joke he just made up: Why did the teacher make Gerry rewrite his number line? Bad Eights.

Vacation Co-Host: Nancy O’Kane

Nancy O’Kane, better known in Internet circles as “The Captain”, is much more comfortable watching movies than talking about them. Nevertheless, she has succumbed to the charms of her husband and agreed to take part in his podcast. When she’s not talking about George Kennedy and his cigars, she’s a full time student majoring in history and minoring in classics. She’s also busy being a caretaker to Rio, the most neurotic dog on the planet. Rio is afraid of thunder, lawnmowers, and plastic bags.


Joe Patroni is supervising the other ground crew, hammering lumber under the wheels of the stuck 707 on Runway Two Niner.

“Get it as close under the wheel as possible,” says Joe. “Then, give it a whack on the other side!”

Patroni hears the sound of trucks, and turns around. The plows of the Conga Line brake to a stop directly behind the 707. Joe spots the MelMobile, pulling up in front of the 707. He heads toward the station wagon.

Mel steps out of the MelMobile. “Keep monitoring Chicago Center and Ground Control,” says Mel to Tanya. “If you hear anything I should know, honk the horn.”

“Right,” says Tanya. Mel slams his door shut and walks toward Patroni.

“What’s with the plows?” asks Joe.

“If you can’t move this plane, they will,” says Mel.

“Shove an undamaged airplane with snow plows?” asks Joe. “Mel, are you out of your mind?”

“No,” says Mel, “but I’m out of runways.”

“Think of what this baby costs!” says Joe, gesturing at the plane.

“I’m thinking of that planeload of people,” says Mel. “This runway’s the only hope they’ve got.”

“If those snowplows rip it apart,” says Joe, “you’re going to have chunks of fuselage all over the runway!”

“I know,” says Mel, “I know – but it’s a chance I’ve got to take.”

Joe ponders for a moment. “Okay,” says Joe, “But you keep –”

In this minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld
Jean Seberg as Tanya Livingston
George Kennedy as Joe Patroni



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