Airport 1970,

Minute 034: When Will They Ever Learn?

September 15, 2016

Guest Host: Pete Mummert

Pete Mummert is a co-host of the Indiana Jones Minute podcast, a show that the AV Club once hailed as “not nearly as tedious as a thing like this could potentially be.” He lives with his wife and two cats in San Francisco, a town in which the term “snow desk” only rarely enters casual conversations.


Tanya is in the Customs inspection hall, at the request of Trans Global passenger Mrs. Harriet DuBarry Mossman, a woman wearing a fur coat and fur hat. Her tiny white poodle sits atop a pet shipping crate, while Customs officer Harry Standish inspects the poodle’s jewel-encrusted collar.

Harry finds a diamond bracelet taped inside the dog collar. “Sorry, Madam,” says Harry.

Standish walks over to the other Inspector and hands him the bracelet. “Check everything else,” says Harry. “very carefully. Inspect the linings of the bags and the cases. Make a list.”

Inspector Barrow nods, “Yes, sir.” Harry pets the poodle. “Sorry, fella,” says Harry.

Mrs. Mossman pleads with Inspector Barrow, “I’d like to change that declaration please, Officer — I beg of you! My husband will be -”

“Madam, why don’t you sit down?” suggests Inspector Barrow. “This might take quite some time.”

Harry walks away from the counter to stand next to Tanya. “When will they ever learn?” asks Harry. “The duty would have been about one tenth of what the fine is going to be.”

Tanya shakes her head. “You are amazing,” says Tanya. “I never would have suspected her.”

Harry says,” Well, after thirty years, you kind of know. First I look in their eyes — and then the luggage.”

Harry pauses. “Thanks for coming down,” he says, “now, may I ask you another favor?”

Tanya smiles. “If you want me to smuggle anything in, the answer is no!”

In This Minute

Jean Seberg as Tanya Livingston
Jessie Royce Landis as Mrs. Harriet DuBarry Mossman
Lloyd Nolan as Harry Standish
Frank Jamus as Inspector Frank Barrow



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