Airport 1970,

Minute 025: A Satisfied Customer

September 02, 2016

Guest Host: Chuck Goldstone

Chuck Goldstone is an author, humorist and is assumed to have written THIS BOOK IS NOT A TOY: FRIENDLY ADVICE ON HOW TO AVOID DEATH AND OTHER INCONVENIENCES, which the prestigious St. Martin’s Press claims sold at least a few boxes of books. As a commentator and radio pundit, he was heard nationally on Marketplace for a decade and has appeared regularly as a guest on CBS Radio Boston. His humor-stuffed websites include and In the real world, he has helped organizations from global giants to scraping startups tell their stories more persuasively. He recalls seeing Airport the first time on an airplane. But maybe it was On Golden Pond.


Tanya is completely gobsmacked by the audacity of airline stowaway Mrs. Ada Quonset, but she tries to contain her surprise.

“Well, it’s nice to meet a satisfied customer!” says Tanya, sarcastically.

Just then, Mel returns to Tanya’s office from the airfield, and calls to her from the open lounge doorway.  He doesn’t see Mrs. Quonset. “How about Patroni?” asks Mel.

“Highway patrol’s bringing him in,” replies Tanya. Mel takes off his coat in the office.

“How long before he’ll be here?” asks Mel, taking off his boots.

“About a half an hour,” replies Tanya.

“Good,” says Mel, heading for the open doorway. “Now I’ll have that sandwich. I’m starving! I haven’t eaten since about –” and pauses, spotting Mrs. Quonset seated on the sofa. “Oh, I’m sorry,” says Mel. “I –” and starts to back out of the room.

Tanya leaps up. “Oh, don’t go away! I’d like you to meet Mrs. Quonset. The stowaway I was talking about before?” Tanya introduces Mel to Mrs. Quonset, “This is Mister Bakersfeld, General Manager of the airport.”

Mrs. Quonset smiles and nods nervously. “Well, how do you do?” she says. “It’s a pleasure to meet someone so important!” She smiles at Mel.

Mel smiles back. “Pleased to meet you, ma’am,” he says, backing toward the door. Tanya grabs him by the arm.

“Don’t go,” says Tanya to Mel. “Come – sit with us!” Tanya drags Mel over to the sofa. “Have a cup of coffee and a sandwich. Perhaps Mister Bakersfield could impress on Mrs. Quonset that this isn’t a very nice thing to do? Mrs. Livingston hasn’t been able to.” Tanya sits in a chair, while Mel sits opposite Mrs. Quonset on the sofa.

“Uh, yes…” says Mel,”Mrs. uh, Quonset? What you’ve done is, uh…”


In This Minute

Jean Seberg as Tanya Livingston
Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld
Helen Hayes as Ada Quonset



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