Airport 1970,

Minute 011: Grossly Inefficient

August 15, 2016


Joe Patroni tells Mel to give everyone a shovel and start digging a 10° incline in front of the wheels. Patroni, over and out.

Marie is disappointed. “Do you have to go to work on a night like this?” Joe responds, “They don’t call ’em emergencies anymore. They call ’em Patronies.” Joe promises Marie he’ll be back in time “if I have to pull that plane out with my teeth!”

Mel and Tanya head back to the terminal. “What’s this thing you’ve found out about?” asks Mel.

Tanya replies, “Your brother-in-law was on the Snow Clearance Committee today. My boss got a copy of the report.” Mel says he can already guess what was in the report.  The airport, meaning Mel,  “has been inefficient snow clearance,…”

Grossly inefficient in snow clearance,” corrects Tanya.

“…causing flight delays, loss of revenue to all airlines, et cetera, et cetera,” Mel grumbles.

“Signed, Captain Vernon Demerest, Chairman,” finishes Tanya. “How can he write such a thing?”

“Because he’s a no-good, miserable louse who can’t pass up the opportunity to knife me,” replies Mel. Bakersfeld is interrupted by a radio call from Danny at the Snow Desk. Commissioner Ackerman wants Mel to meet him at the street side of the terminal. “Trouble,” says Danny.  Mel responds, “I’m on my way.”

In This Minute:

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld
Jean Seberg as Tanya Livingston
Dallas Mitchell as Danny (Snow Desk)
George Kennedy as Joe Patroni
Jodean Russo (Lawrence) as Marie Patroni



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